My Emotional/Mental Journey

Steer the Rudder

Around this time four years ago, I joined a network marketing company when I swore I never would.

Three years ago today, I was at my first “leaders retreat” earned with said company, topping out my supplemental income at over $1K a month.

Two years ago, I was beginning to question my in-your-face approach to my side-hustle and whether it was a true reflection of how I wanted to build a business (within 3 months, I made a complete shift that would change my course completely).

One year ago, I was working part time as a waitress again for the first time in 15 year while I tried to figure out what that other business I used to be killing-it at even meant for me anymore.

All the while, feeling like I had failed somewhere along the way.

I officially stopped “working” that business in March of this year. I also quit my waitressing job. I just got to a place where I was tired of depending on the follow through of others (whether it was finally purchasing a product or if someone was feeling like leaving a generous tip that day).

For the last year, I’ve scrolled through my Facebook Memories and, upon arriving at the place where an entire year of my Facebook newsfeed is plastered in advertising, I can’t help but feel like I fell short of something great. Where did I go wrong? As hard as I worked at that side-biz, why didn’t it take off the way I had always intended? I was really great at it and had the income to show for it, but there was a threshold I never could get past.

But today, when a picture from that first leaders retreat popped up, I saw something different.

steer the rudderI no longer saw failure to create a success story in that reminder of what was and never did become. I saw a girl who can absolutely excel at anything she puts her mind to.

And really, that’s true of anyone. If you’re motivated, driven and determined, you can excel at anything you try.

The difference is, you will not succeed at anything until it’s the right thing. Until you find you’re calling, all you’ll ever be able to do is excel. But that success story — however it’s supposed to look for you — won’t happen until you find that thing you’re actually purposed to do.

The non-profit I started five years ago, that’s certainly a part of my legacy.

I feel it in my bones that isn’t the end of my success story, though. There’s something more that I’m not only meant to excel at — just because I can’t do anything without putting everything I am into it — but that I’m meant to succeed at.

And every time that I fell short is not a failure, but a minuscule adjustment of the rudder that steers me ever so slightly on the right bearing — adjusting my course by a smattering of degrees. Every driven, passionate, motivated attempt at something has been a catalyst for the bigger thing that’s over yonder, beyond those hills.

I can feel it.

So, while I used to look at all the things I’ve tried as an inability to be decisive, I now choose to see those things as a glimpse of what is to come. Because I am capable and I’ve proven that by excelling at many things.

It’s because of that process that I’m ready to succeed.

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